Etiquette Excursion with Mona Johnson

Claremont, CA--I know many of you have asked yourself, “Why do we have etiquette and why do we accept the rules of etiquette?” It is a great question and you are not the first to ask it nor I doubt you will be the last. Etiquette is like a double-edged sword. It can be used to include people or it can be used to exclude people. Too often it is used to exclude someone. Etiquette should be like an old familiar quilt, old, used and worn but you are still able to find something new in the pattern.

The proper use of etiquette is to make individuals more comfortable and to make situations and events operate more smoothly. Etiquette should not be wielded as a social mace. Nor should it be used as a form of snobbery. The superficial embracing of shallow and cursory mannerisms of a small social group should not be used as a way to make other individuals feel unfavorably.

Knowing when and how to introduce individuals, how to dress and how to communicate in any social situation is a social and business necessity. The basic rules of etiquette are important in determining how well friends, co-workers, strangers and even family perceive and depend on you.

The level of confidence that you demonstrate when you know the basic rules of etiquette allows you to feel more comfortable around people rather than isolating yourself due to possible embarrassment. Being able to relate to other individuals with comfort and social appropriateness in the best of times and in the worst of times is important. Often the lack of etiquette understanding can cause a good friend to do nothing in time of need.

It is important to share your etiquette knowledge. Whether one is educating someone or making fun of him or her depends on how and where the correction takes place. Correcting someone conspicuously in public is cruel and unnecessary.

Keeping up with the basic everyday good manners of social and business behaviors, is essential in keeping up with etiquette culture. Practice etiquette daily. Increase your etiquette skills every opportunity you have. No one has to know you are practicing. Just do it for yourself.

Etiquette is a set of courtesy customs that are generally practiced and accepted by a group of people. However, using etiquette as a social advancement rather than a genuine concern for others is a form of pretentiousness, which lacks integrity. Etiquette should be a method of making the habits of dinning, dressing, communicating, and socializing more organized and uniformed.

When working with young people remember the origin and transmission of etiquette is a difficult transition to make and a difficult evolution to change once it has been established. But the younger they are when you start the more quickly they will learn.

“Etiquette can vary extensively between different cultures of people. Etiquette is a subject that has engaged societies and great thinkers for centuries. Good taste or bad is revealed in everything we are, do, have. Our speech manners, dress, and household goods-and even our friends are evidences of the propriety of our taste…Rules of etiquette are nothing more than sign posts by which we are guided to the goal of good taste” (Emily Post).

Practice your table manners every time you have an opportunity. Remember a young person may be watching. Enjoy and use what you learn about etiquette each day.

Join me weekly as I answer your questions and share ideas as we explore the journey to good manners! Send your questions or comments to the Inland Valley News, 2009 Porterfield Way, Suite C, Upland, CA 91786, e-mail to editor@inlandvalleynews.com or e-mail, msparksj@verizon.net.

Mona Johnson is the CEO of Personnel Best a consulting firm specializing in how to conduct effective meetings, teaching public speaking, team building, leadership development, microphone use, networking, organizational and self-awareness.